The truth about confidence

Truth is, confidence is not about how you look on the outside, but how you feel in the inside ;

It’s not about how people perceive you, but how you perceive yourself,

Not about what people think of you, but what you know about the person you really are.

The power of confidence is not walking in a room with your head up, knowing you’re the best,

The power of self-confidence is walking in a room knowing you don’t have to compete with anyone else, because yourself is the only thing you need to look at to become a better person aka a better version of yourself.

The power of confidence is not what makes you succeed at whatever you decide to undertake,

The power of confidence is precisely what is going to make you keep going while all you want to do is yield; that is exactly what is going to make you get up after a fall on the face; this will be your only guide to bring you to places you would never have thought to go and to make you achieve things you would not have dared to dream about.

We can call this magic.

And that makes confidence the only real magical power you can get endowed with.

(And wearing cool brands, being called cute by other guys/girls or having a thigh gap are not magic things and have nothing to do with the power of confidence you can get endowed with. Of course, it may seem easier to be confident with one of thoe things, but those things will not bring you any confidence, maybe just a glimpse of it, and still... Because real confidence has nothing to do with the "outside world", but it has everything to do with your inner world and the inner you.)

Your words can heal !

That post won't be a long one. As I have only one thing to say, only one big message to convey.
We all know someone who feels bad, who feels down, who feels not confident at all, who is suffering.
And the fact that the person is not saying it loud and doesn't seem seeking attention doesn't mean she's less suffering than somebody who tells it. And by the way only  few people tell it when they're suffering.
However, if I write you this, that's because you've got probably no idea how your words can "heal" a person, or at least how it can make someone feel better, at least for a moment.

This is just an example among so many different situations, but when you are -let's say- sixteen,
when you think you're ugly
 when you think you're fat 
 when you find your skin is horrible
when you think you look awful
when you think the only way to look less disgusting is to wear make up, is to wear cool and expensive clothes when you think everything you do sucks
when you think the real you sucks
when you want to hide the real you behind brands, behind tones of makeup, thinking that people will focus more on what you wear than on what you are, thinking you'd look better if you hide yourself if you change yourself somehow
when you think that the only way to get people to like you is to look like beauty standards
 when you realize you're not like these beauty standards and you'd probably never be
when you cry
 when you get depressed
 when you get angry against society against life
when you think you're shit, 
when you get jealous against people who look more like beauty standard than you 
when you become mean 
when you hurt people when you feel guilty but you continue
 when you think you're even more shitty than you thought 
when you hurt yourself, when you destroy yourself
when you stay apart not to destroy the others 
when you're isolated
 when you're alone when you are lonely
when you think you're done 
when you think it's over
when you disgust yourself so bad


Then when someone comes and says he loves you for what you really are, your personality, your body, your face with no makeup on....sorry but it's kind of hard to believe it.
However, when someone comes up and says just a compliment like "I find you beautiful today", or just an encouragement like "Hold on" when you failed at something, or just some genuine words like "you're so funny!" or "You're a really nice person", it can litterally change one's day, or even one's world!
The best part is that you don't need to say nothing "deep", you just got to let your heart speak, in few words.
And to the person who would hear it, these words would sound like magic, believe me.


So next time you have something nice and sincere to say that comes in your mind, just say it! Spread it out! Spread the good everywhere out of you! Don't even hesitate. Your words can heal :)

The race of love

This question girls have already asked themselves an infinite number of times.
"How could a guy like me?"
"How could even someone like me someday?"
Most times this question comes to your mind and then goes, just like a trivial thought... But sometimes this thought hits you, and does not go away, it remains in your head, and the longer it remains the more your self-confidence seems to go away.

People, and especially teenagers  seem to be obsessed with the "being loved" thing nowadays (or perhaps it had always been this way, idk I'm not that old).
Young girls want to find their prince, they set up plans for it, sometimes they attempt to be someone they're not to get their "crush" attention.
They spend their time imagining things which could happen, which could have happened, they keep under systematic review their look, their make-up, their weight, their attitude, just because they want to please a boy who -they believe- could be the ONE.
Somehow they sacrifice their own selves for "the race of love".

I took the example of young girls looking for the boy of their dreams, but it may also be the case for boys, or even for adults who want to belong to a group of friends, or of colleagues , and who would sacrifice their own selves to please these persons, to receive their love, somehow.

However I find it really sad because, first of all, people who sarcifice themselves the most to get someone's love are those who lack of love the most, and this is most of the time people who suffer(ed) the most. And thus, these people think that once they get someone's love they would be happy, or at list they will feel better and have a better life, even though this person doesn't like the "inner them" but the "them" they've created to please that person.
Those people may think that recognition and love of another person are their only gate to happiness.
But I'd like to say that in moments of despair or woe, the only -or at least the best- gate to happiness is your own love for yourself and your own recognition for who you are.
Without those two things, your happiness is likely to depend on someone else's love for you, and thus of things you can't control.

If you raise inside your heart the real true Love for the person you really are, then you'll have an iron shield to protect you against many things in life.

Sometimes society wants to make you believe that loving "too much" the person you are is selfish, but there is no "too much", as at my sense there is no limit for loving someone, so there is no limit for loving yourself, as your heart has no limit.
But would it be easy for you to give an amount of love to someone you don't really know?
For me it wouldn't.
So if you can't manage to really love yourself, perhaps it's because you don't really know who you are (I know that could sound weird ok...). Perhaps you find yourself too boring, or not interesting enough, but this is probably because you didn't took the time to get to know yourself.

I mean (and this is something we all do, at a certain age at least) perhaps you had spent so many time and energy to please people by trying to cast into a mould and being someone you're not, that you hadn't got the time to get to know the real you. 
Perhaps you hadn't got the time to try new things, to try things which interested you; perhaps you hadn't always followed your heart and your instinct since you were scared it might have dipleased someone. Perhaps you've always wanted to see an art exhibition but the group to which you wanted to belong prefered playing football, so this is what you did too. Perhaps you always wanted to try skateboard but your crush and his friends were keen of chess, so you spent your spare time trying to learn how to play this game, not to look stupid to the person you wanted to love you.
But now it's time to let the real you express itself!
It's time to recognize the person you really are, and thus you'll be able to give her your love, knowing her flaws, her qualities, her personnality.

So my message would be:
If you are at this age when you're preoccupied by what other people would think of you, by boys, by girls, by love, if your "despairly seeking" love, if you're wondering how you should be to make people love you and to get recognition, then I would tell you to stop worrying about all that stuff and stop seeking "True love", and even stop seeking love itself, because this is something that takes too much of your time and your energy, and at the end this is not that rewarding, believe me.
I'd recommend that you'd rather spend that time and energy to find out who you really are.      Try new things, go to new places, meet new people, travel if you can, learn as much things you're interested in as you can, somehow get acquainted with yourself!
And if you fail, that's great, because you learn, if you succeed that's great too. 
Get to know what you like and what you don't!
And the more you will get to know the person you truly are, the easier it will be for you to love yourself!

And don't worry, someday people who love the  person you really are will come to you, and they will give you love and recognition. 
And if someday they go away, you will never be alone nor "unloved", as long as your own love for yourself is unswerving.

Take caaare ^^

Get inspired #1 : Nick Vujicic !

Everything is said in this inspiring video. That's about what we have, state of mind, life, and confidence.
And that's about this amazingly inspiring man, Nick Vujicic, and his story.

Because the most important is not what you've got in your hands , or in the bank, or on the paper... 

This is what you've got on your mind and in your heart.

Your life is as full as your heart.  ♥

The "be yourself" thing

-Do you love yourself enough to be who you really are?

-Are you who you really are?

Generally we are tempted to say "YES!"


Or at least, this is what I was always answering when someone asked me.
I was convinced that beeing who you are meant wearing clothes you like to wear, doing activities you like to do, and ... claim your uniqueness!

I thought it was so for a long time, perhaps because this way thinking suited me actually, as it's way easier to reflect the image of the girl who loves herself - and so who IS herself- than to be that girl.
I used to spend almost all my money on original, outstanding clothes, which almost nobody had of course, 'cause for me that was a way to claim to every one that I am myself, that I am unique, and that I enjoy showing it, 'cause I love the way I am.
 Yeah, that was more a way to prove to every one, but especially to myself, that I love being me, that I love myself.
I also used to spend a big part of my money on make-up, because I wanted to "look good", I wanted people to find me pretty, yeah I wanted to please people, and I thought that putting make-up on my face was just in harmony with the idea of "being myself". Because I knew that I wanted to please the greatest part, so I thought that "wanting to please", "wanting people to find me pretty", were just some of my traits, a part of me, so that I thought that by thinking like this and by attempting to do this I was just myself.

I was actually convinced that I loved myself, but I was actually looking for people's love. I wanted everybody to love me, perhaps because I wasn't confident, and I didn't know how to love myself, so I was looking for a kind of scale which would help me to determine how much people love me, then how I must love myself.

So of course I was really longing for people's love, as for me they had to determine the amount of love that I should attribute to myself. [now that may sound stupid to you, but to me it doesn't, cuz at that time no one had told me about all this!]

I was worried not only to have a perfect appearance, but I also forced myself to be nice and sweet to everyone, to always say yes, etc. Because my aim was to act in the "most perfect" way, I wanted people to say about me "She's the nicest girl I've ever met!", "She's so sweet!", "This girl is adorable!", "She's just perfect, I love her so much!", "Everybody likes her!", "She deserves all the love!"...

I know this is what many young girls think too, and this is why I share this piece of story in this article. Many girls (and probably boys too) consider they first have to be loved by their entourage, by society, and then they could love themselves. 
Many people still have their self-esteem depending on the love the others give them. But this is a pitfall, as you can't control other people's feelings, and their love towards you.



One day I realized that I was actually spending my days playing a role. 
That wasn't me anymore, it was like I was putting a mask on my face in the morning, before going to school, and taking it off when I went back home.
Every day I attempted to be the nicest person ever, to say compliments I didn't mean and to accept things I was reluctant to.
I also attempted to be the funny person, always laughing to jokes I didn't even find funny...
I also wanted to be the "cultivated" one, I was always trying to show some knowledge in a conversation, even when I didn't really want it. I just forced myself 'cause I was thinking "That's for my own sake. Thus people will love me, and I'll be a loved and happy person. And I will love myself!"



I guess I didn't find the real me interesting enough to show it.
In fact, somehow I feared to do things "cause I feel like it", I feared to do things I really wanted to 'cause I feared negative reactions, I feared losing  the love people seemed to have for me. I was afraid to go from "the perfect nice girl" to...anyone.

Now that I think about it, it's like there always was someone who was telling me "Do this, do that, not like that, don't act like it's natural for you to act, your natural is boring, uninteresting, unperfect, act like people want you to act, so they will love you more, so you will finally be someone, interesting and loved!".
Honestly, if a real person had told me this in real life, let's say if my best friend had told me that,  I would have thought "and this guy is telling he's my best friend?! He's not even my friend! He doesn't even like me, he thinks I'm naturally boring, he thinks I need to prentend to be someone else to be loved! What am I doing with him?!"

But the reality is, that this "guy" was me.
I was odious with myself each time I forced myself to play a role.
 I was underestimating the real me.
In fact I was probably seeking people's love cause I wasn't receiving love from my own self.
And trust me, when you become aware of it, you start feeling a deep compassion and sympathy for yourself.

So I became aware that I was betraying myself every time I said yes when I meant no.
I became aware that this is not by claiming you are yourself that you really are.
You don't have people to think you're real and to love you to be who you really are. Because people don't know. Sometimes people even don't care actually.
Only you know the truth. Only you know who you really are and if you're acting so.
Only your heart knows what the real you wants, and who the real you is.
And if you want to be loved, start by giving love to yourself.
That means, just start to act as you really want. Say no when you mean no. Don't wear make-up if you don't feel like doing this.
Because loving yourself means having trust in yourself, knowing all the magnificence of the real you. So why hiding it? Why pretending to be someone else?

Just be your own best friend, your own lover.
Be the person who considers that you are perfect as you are.

You are the only person who is always with you physically. So that you're never alone.
You could be the one who always supports you, no matter what, if you wanted too.
You could be your own "best friend forever" <3.

And the most important: Do you think there is a way to be, to be loved?

I don't think so.
I believe you deserve to be loved simply because you exist, nothing more and nothing less.
You don't have to do some great accomplishment, nor to have the perfect body to be loved.
You don't have to wear the most "hype" clothes either, and you don't have to get a perfect make-up, nor a flawless skin...
You don't have to be the nicest, the smartest, nor the funniest either.
You don't need to force yourself to be loved.

So just be yourself, and act as you feel , ... it really does worth it!
Actually people WANT to know the real you ;)


And each time you're in doubt, each time you think about people's reaction, just remember:

"I'm loved unconditionally , for no other reason than simply because I exist :) "


Take care

How judging someone else can wreck yourself

Judging, valuing, this is something most of people do everyday to other people, without regarding for the consequences.
I'm NOT talking about Karma or something like that, no, I'm talking about how judging and valuing other people can affect -or should I say "does affect"- your own self-confidence!
In fact this is a great paradox because generally people who are judging someone do it in order to feel better, they think that by judging someone, they self-esteem will inscrease. 
But that's is, at my sense, one of the biggest traps ever!
Let's see why and how doing the opposite can help -does help- you feel better and way more confident!



I believe you shouldn't "value" people, like saying someone is better than someone else, someone is worse, someone is ugly, someone is ridiculous, etc.
Because by doing this you're punishing yourself.
Yeah, by doing this you grow a big fear inside you.
A fear of not being good enough, a fear of being ugly, a fear of being ridiculous... a fear of being wrong, a fear of life !
In fact you're afraid because in your mind each person has a different value which depends on their beauty, the way they're dressed, or even the way they act, the money they earn and spend, people they hang out with, the job they do, etc. 
And if judge the others on these things, you believe that the others will judge you on these things too!

And thus, according to these standards, you think that someone's value can increase or decrease.
And of course YOU don't want your value to decrease -you fear that!- so you fear not being beautiful enough, not being smart enough, not being rich enough, not having a job good or "prestigious" enough... And thus you become stern with yourself, somehow you become like a severe parent who wants his child to fulfill all these standards of success 'cause it's "for his sake". 
You become very demanding with yourself and more and more hard to please.
 You really want to have a high value! You're sticked to this idea . You become kind of obsessed with that.
So that finally you prevent yourself from being who you really are as you accept who you are only when you are "victorious" in some way only when you shine more than the others, only when you consider that you have "a lot of value."
So at the end of the day, you end up not acting like yourself anymore, but acting like an artificial being created by your fear of not having enough "value".
Could we call it a slow killing of the real person you are? I think so, yeah.


On the other hand, if you don't "value" people but accept the fact that we have ALL the same value, we're worth all the same (we're all "beautiful in our way, cause God makes nooo mistakes..nananana..nana..."), that we just take different path, and that each person creates and takes her own path, and there are not better or worse path, they are all different but they are all worth, then when you realize that, you will no longer force yourself to act like someone you're not, because you'll become aware of your own magnificence, you'll realize that just like the others, you are an amazing and awesome being.

And then, you'll let the real you live and blossom , and at my sense this is the key to happiness.

That "perfect" girl

Almost everyone knows this one...
This one "perfect girl"...

She could be a classmate, a colleague, a neighbor... a friend.
She's got beautiful hair, beautiful eyes , beautiful body... 
She's gorgeous, she's smart too, she's also funny: when she makes a joke every body laugh, everybody seems to love her, you've got that feeling that whatever she tries to do she would always succeed , you think she could have all the boys she wants, you think she's just...perfect!
Don't you?

But the real problem for you is not really here... The problem is not that "She's got it all", the real problem is "She's got so many things you think you haven't".
Yes, this is your lack of self-confidence who's speaking.
And this lack of self-confidence makes you ... Jealous!

How is jealousy created? This is actually a mix of two sentences we say to ourselves, the first is "she has something I haven't", and then comes the second: "that's unfair!" , and guess who whispers it to you: your lack of self confidence.
Yes, for real, why would it be unfair? You certainly got something she hasn't! Or perhaps you actually got that thing you think you haven't!
Anyway, your "insecurity"  provokes your jealousy which is a very disabling and... destructive feeling, as, according to the degree of jealousy, it could completely destroy your relations especially with this person, but also with your friends who may not understand why you're jealous; it could also worsen your mood , and throw a veil of sadness on your life... 
But, it's possible, at any time, to overcome this jealousy, to become confident...!


I think that the "perfect girl " is a situation that most of us have already experienced, it can be very painful sometimes, and this is at my sense the best example of jealousy and lack of self-confidence, what's more I think that when you've overcome this situation, it will be easier for you to face any others of this sort, and, who knows, to get definitely rid of this unhealthy feeling in a long-term!
So are you ready to face that chick?
Then let's get it started!
________________________________________________________________________________

Here are 3 tips! ( I call it, THE 3 tips!)

-First of all: you should stop to idealize that girl, like really!
If you idealize someone too much, you will end up thinking that this person is "unreachable" for you, in others words, that no matter how hard you try, you will never "worth"  this person, you will never have the same value.
 Of course that's so wrong! This is why you should stop to see this girl as a goddess and see her as a normal person who has nothing more and nothing less than you.
In fact, when we idealize someone, we tend not to say simple facts about this person but to embellish the reality, or even to imagine what reality could be without even relying on real facts. [Yes imagination is good, but not when it works against you!].

Here are some examples of things we can say about that girl we call "perfect ", and the corresponding real facts we should say instead.

"OMG her hair is so incredibly shiny,                                      She  might use texturising shampoo 

and oh-so voluminous! But not to much!     ------------------>   and probably an illuminating hair

Man she's got this naturally perfect hair,                                 conditionner............things almost 

 how come? Ahh that's unfair!"                                                 everyone can buy actually :)

"Oh my! This girl is SO incredibly funny!                                                         When this girl makes a joke, there are

people laugh at her jokes and all,... man                      ------------------>      people who laugh at that joke........   

she seems hilarious, why am I not like that?"                                                       (     because it's a joke)......................

                                                                                                                                    I'm sure this situation has already happened
                                                                                                    to you. There's nothing that"incredible"                                                                                                            actually...


"She's got the perfect body, damn!! I've                                            So this girl trains for her sport 4 times a 
heard that she was training like 4 times                                           week; as she works hard her gets used to 
a week for her sport...[it can be any sport,                                        it, her fat dissapears and her muscles
in my case she was training for was ice skating] ------------------------>     become noticeable.
But look what a fit body! That's just unreal,                                       So far this is the normal process, and there
and so uncommon...that perfection.. Oh                                           is nothing neither unreal nor uncommon.
how I wish I had the same...but I certainly                                      And if you want the same body this is clearly
can't, it's so unreal and uncommon...."                                             and scientifically possible, you know what 
                                                                                                    to do ;)
                     

"She's so perfect I'm sure she coud have--------------------------------> Hum...where's the fact? Sorry I can't see 
all the boys she waaants!"                                                                no fact here...Perhaps because there is
                                                                                                      simply NO fact here.
                                                                                                     This is simply your imagination, nothing 
                                                                                                    really proves you she can have all the boys,
                                                                                                    unless she's already been in a relationship
                                                                                                    with ALL the boys, but I don't think so :D



"OMG plus she smells soooo good!" ------------------------------------->     This is what happens when you take a
                                                                                                   shower everyday , and perhaps when you
                                                                                                    own a bottle of perfume.


"She could be Miss Universe if she    ----------------------------------------> .......No fact.....
wanted to!"


"She draws so well!
 She says she has been drawing since ------------------------------------> She started to draw when she was a 
she was a child, she's so talented!                                                         child and now she's like a teenager
She really does have it all!"                                                                (or maybe an adult), so since she started
                                                                                                       she became more and more skilled year
                                                                                                        by year, and now it turns out that she 
                                                                                                     reached a pretty high level. This is actuallly
                                                                                                       how it works learning a skill.
                                                                                                        Alright she might become a very skilled 
                                                                                                        drawer and earn money thanks to it. But
                                                                                                    do YOU want to be a drawer when you grow
                                                                                                  up? If no, then what's the matter? If yes, then
                                                                                                   now you know how to do (practice!) ;)

                                                                                                   
That is a funny tip to do, so just try it! I'm sure it will make you feel like:

 haha

-The second tip would be this one: you can get inspired as long as you do not copy!

In fact, when you find someone's "perfect" you tend to want to be like this person, to look like her, to act like her, to do everything like her.... And that seems natural, you want to be as close to perfection as you can, but what the first "tip" has tried to teach you is that this person you think perfect is NOT perfect, because nobody is (yeah I know the "nobody is perfect" thing is so basic but this is also so true! If you really wanna hang out with a perfect chick go buy a Barbie and turn uuuup)!
Actually I find that great to be observant and to see what are the things this person does that make her look so special for you.
For instance, if you have noticed that this person keeps calm when someone is yelling at her, and that it makes her look so classy, you can try to stay calm too the next time someone gets angry on you...
Or if you notice that this person wears very girly clothes (for instance many skirts, dresses, a lot of white, pink, blue, purple....) and that it makes her look very feminine , maybe you can try to wear something more girly too, you can barter your jogging against a skirt, or at least more girly trousers.
If the person you find "perfect" simply takes care of her and of her appearance, then you can of course do the same!
 After all, if you use your admiration to get inspired, that's great, at my sense!

But from the moment you begin to copy that person, you begin to completely loose the real you, plus you start to look like nothing more than a  fake copy of a real person... do you get me?
For example, if you've seen the person wearing a nice dress or a very nice coat, and then you buy the same, or let's say a very similar one (same color, same shape and all): 
-people WILL notice it (but you may not care about what people may think so ok)
-In 90% of time, it won't look as good on you, because the person you want to look like may be brown and you may be blond, because she may be tanned and you may be pale, and she may be curvy and you may be willowy...you see?
 We are all different, and no one (except maybe professionals :p) but you can find what suits you the best.
That's why getting inspired is well, and it can make you discover new things you've never thought about before. 
Whereas copying will do nothing but hide your own brightness as you'll try to cast into a mould you don't belong to.
Same for your attitude; if you copy a person by trying to talk the same way, with the same intonation, the same gestures, it will not be you, but a poor copy of the person.
And you'll loose an opportunity to show the world the magnificent and real you! What a shame...

So I hope you've got it

-And the third tip is just about being nice with this girl you call perfect, but who actually isn't.

I know, at the beggining it can be hard to talk to her and even more to be nice with her because each time you see this girl you can help it but you envy her.

But by talking with her and being nice, you can get closer to her, and then you'll see that's she's not that "unreachable", and that she's just like everybody else, she's got amazing qualities, but also she's got flaws! And that will just make you feel on an equal footing with her, you won't see her as someone worthier than you any more. You will see her more...like you, actually!

And the moment when you'll be able to look into her eyes and to see yourself (not by the reflection due to the "mirror effect" of course, but more in a philosophic way!), you could consider that you won....like everything! You won, just won, you won it all, the sense of life, the sense of universe...lol, no seriously you won!

Plus, this is by learning from the others that we become a better person, so that's why getting closer to this person could only be an interesting thing!

Now I hope these tips will help you, and that you will try to apply them, because it's funny to do and..oh yeah because it works ;)

But before saying "take care" I'd just like to emphasize an important message- THE important message- conveyed by this article, in case you missed it or just because it's important to keep this in mind.
The message is that everything you might see of a person you never talked to,- or even a person you talk to but that you don't really know- can be feigned by the person herself, or it also can be the fruit of your own imagination, it can be just a cover,... 
Anyway, the real message is that the best way to see through a person is to get to know this person, and don't trust any prejudice, any judgment from someone else, and the most important, don't trust the image this person may reflect to the others.



(Oh and also, yeah, perfection is a lie)

Take care <3