That "perfect" girl

Almost everyone knows this one...
This one "perfect girl"...

She could be a classmate, a colleague, a neighbor... a friend.
She's got beautiful hair, beautiful eyes , beautiful body... 
She's gorgeous, she's smart too, she's also funny: when she makes a joke every body laugh, everybody seems to love her, you've got that feeling that whatever she tries to do she would always succeed , you think she could have all the boys she wants, you think she's just...perfect!
Don't you?

But the real problem for you is not really here... The problem is not that "She's got it all", the real problem is "She's got so many things you think you haven't".
Yes, this is your lack of self-confidence who's speaking.
And this lack of self-confidence makes you ... Jealous!

How is jealousy created? This is actually a mix of two sentences we say to ourselves, the first is "she has something I haven't", and then comes the second: "that's unfair!" , and guess who whispers it to you: your lack of self confidence.
Yes, for real, why would it be unfair? You certainly got something she hasn't! Or perhaps you actually got that thing you think you haven't!
Anyway, your "insecurity"  provokes your jealousy which is a very disabling and... destructive feeling, as, according to the degree of jealousy, it could completely destroy your relations especially with this person, but also with your friends who may not understand why you're jealous; it could also worsen your mood , and throw a veil of sadness on your life... 
But, it's possible, at any time, to overcome this jealousy, to become confident...!


I think that the "perfect girl " is a situation that most of us have already experienced, it can be very painful sometimes, and this is at my sense the best example of jealousy and lack of self-confidence, what's more I think that when you've overcome this situation, it will be easier for you to face any others of this sort, and, who knows, to get definitely rid of this unhealthy feeling in a long-term!
So are you ready to face that chick?
Then let's get it started!
________________________________________________________________________________

Here are 3 tips! ( I call it, THE 3 tips!)

-First of all: you should stop to idealize that girl, like really!
If you idealize someone too much, you will end up thinking that this person is "unreachable" for you, in others words, that no matter how hard you try, you will never "worth"  this person, you will never have the same value.
 Of course that's so wrong! This is why you should stop to see this girl as a goddess and see her as a normal person who has nothing more and nothing less than you.
In fact, when we idealize someone, we tend not to say simple facts about this person but to embellish the reality, or even to imagine what reality could be without even relying on real facts. [Yes imagination is good, but not when it works against you!].

Here are some examples of things we can say about that girl we call "perfect ", and the corresponding real facts we should say instead.

"OMG her hair is so incredibly shiny,                                      She  might use texturising shampoo 

and oh-so voluminous! But not to much!     ------------------>   and probably an illuminating hair

Man she's got this naturally perfect hair,                                 conditionner............things almost 

 how come? Ahh that's unfair!"                                                 everyone can buy actually :)

"Oh my! This girl is SO incredibly funny!                                                         When this girl makes a joke, there are

people laugh at her jokes and all,... man                      ------------------>      people who laugh at that joke........   

she seems hilarious, why am I not like that?"                                                       (     because it's a joke)......................

                                                                                                                                    I'm sure this situation has already happened
                                                                                                    to you. There's nothing that"incredible"                                                                                                            actually...


"She's got the perfect body, damn!! I've                                            So this girl trains for her sport 4 times a 
heard that she was training like 4 times                                           week; as she works hard her gets used to 
a week for her sport...[it can be any sport,                                        it, her fat dissapears and her muscles
in my case she was training for was ice skating] ------------------------>     become noticeable.
But look what a fit body! That's just unreal,                                       So far this is the normal process, and there
and so uncommon...that perfection.. Oh                                           is nothing neither unreal nor uncommon.
how I wish I had the same...but I certainly                                      And if you want the same body this is clearly
can't, it's so unreal and uncommon...."                                             and scientifically possible, you know what 
                                                                                                    to do ;)
                     

"She's so perfect I'm sure she coud have--------------------------------> Hum...where's the fact? Sorry I can't see 
all the boys she waaants!"                                                                no fact here...Perhaps because there is
                                                                                                      simply NO fact here.
                                                                                                     This is simply your imagination, nothing 
                                                                                                    really proves you she can have all the boys,
                                                                                                    unless she's already been in a relationship
                                                                                                    with ALL the boys, but I don't think so :D



"OMG plus she smells soooo good!" ------------------------------------->     This is what happens when you take a
                                                                                                   shower everyday , and perhaps when you
                                                                                                    own a bottle of perfume.


"She could be Miss Universe if she    ----------------------------------------> .......No fact.....
wanted to!"


"She draws so well!
 She says she has been drawing since ------------------------------------> She started to draw when she was a 
she was a child, she's so talented!                                                         child and now she's like a teenager
She really does have it all!"                                                                (or maybe an adult), so since she started
                                                                                                       she became more and more skilled year
                                                                                                        by year, and now it turns out that she 
                                                                                                     reached a pretty high level. This is actuallly
                                                                                                       how it works learning a skill.
                                                                                                        Alright she might become a very skilled 
                                                                                                        drawer and earn money thanks to it. But
                                                                                                    do YOU want to be a drawer when you grow
                                                                                                  up? If no, then what's the matter? If yes, then
                                                                                                   now you know how to do (practice!) ;)

                                                                                                   
That is a funny tip to do, so just try it! I'm sure it will make you feel like:

 haha

-The second tip would be this one: you can get inspired as long as you do not copy!

In fact, when you find someone's "perfect" you tend to want to be like this person, to look like her, to act like her, to do everything like her.... And that seems natural, you want to be as close to perfection as you can, but what the first "tip" has tried to teach you is that this person you think perfect is NOT perfect, because nobody is (yeah I know the "nobody is perfect" thing is so basic but this is also so true! If you really wanna hang out with a perfect chick go buy a Barbie and turn uuuup)!
Actually I find that great to be observant and to see what are the things this person does that make her look so special for you.
For instance, if you have noticed that this person keeps calm when someone is yelling at her, and that it makes her look so classy, you can try to stay calm too the next time someone gets angry on you...
Or if you notice that this person wears very girly clothes (for instance many skirts, dresses, a lot of white, pink, blue, purple....) and that it makes her look very feminine , maybe you can try to wear something more girly too, you can barter your jogging against a skirt, or at least more girly trousers.
If the person you find "perfect" simply takes care of her and of her appearance, then you can of course do the same!
 After all, if you use your admiration to get inspired, that's great, at my sense!

But from the moment you begin to copy that person, you begin to completely loose the real you, plus you start to look like nothing more than a  fake copy of a real person... do you get me?
For example, if you've seen the person wearing a nice dress or a very nice coat, and then you buy the same, or let's say a very similar one (same color, same shape and all): 
-people WILL notice it (but you may not care about what people may think so ok)
-In 90% of time, it won't look as good on you, because the person you want to look like may be brown and you may be blond, because she may be tanned and you may be pale, and she may be curvy and you may be willowy...you see?
 We are all different, and no one (except maybe professionals :p) but you can find what suits you the best.
That's why getting inspired is well, and it can make you discover new things you've never thought about before. 
Whereas copying will do nothing but hide your own brightness as you'll try to cast into a mould you don't belong to.
Same for your attitude; if you copy a person by trying to talk the same way, with the same intonation, the same gestures, it will not be you, but a poor copy of the person.
And you'll loose an opportunity to show the world the magnificent and real you! What a shame...

So I hope you've got it

-And the third tip is just about being nice with this girl you call perfect, but who actually isn't.

I know, at the beggining it can be hard to talk to her and even more to be nice with her because each time you see this girl you can help it but you envy her.

But by talking with her and being nice, you can get closer to her, and then you'll see that's she's not that "unreachable", and that she's just like everybody else, she's got amazing qualities, but also she's got flaws! And that will just make you feel on an equal footing with her, you won't see her as someone worthier than you any more. You will see her more...like you, actually!

And the moment when you'll be able to look into her eyes and to see yourself (not by the reflection due to the "mirror effect" of course, but more in a philosophic way!), you could consider that you won....like everything! You won, just won, you won it all, the sense of life, the sense of universe...lol, no seriously you won!

Plus, this is by learning from the others that we become a better person, so that's why getting closer to this person could only be an interesting thing!

Now I hope these tips will help you, and that you will try to apply them, because it's funny to do and..oh yeah because it works ;)

But before saying "take care" I'd just like to emphasize an important message- THE important message- conveyed by this article, in case you missed it or just because it's important to keep this in mind.
The message is that everything you might see of a person you never talked to,- or even a person you talk to but that you don't really know- can be feigned by the person herself, or it also can be the fruit of your own imagination, it can be just a cover,... 
Anyway, the real message is that the best way to see through a person is to get to know this person, and don't trust any prejudice, any judgment from someone else, and the most important, don't trust the image this person may reflect to the others.



(Oh and also, yeah, perfection is a lie)

Take care <3 



                                                                                                      

Accept and love your BODY: tricky but possible!

When did you stop to love your body?

One of the main reasons of a lack of self-confidence is the non-acceptance of your own body.

This scourge generally affects you during teenage years, and then it unfortunately can last during your adulthood... and beyond...

In fact, when you enter teenage years, you're not a child anymore and this notion of "beauty standard" starts to make sense for you: they are everywere! In your favorite TV series, in all kinds of commercials, on social networks, on magazine covers... And it becomes practically impossible to ignore it.

-Plus,when you become a teenager, your body starts to change.

-Plus, this is generally at this period of our life that we start to really care about what people may think or say about us, and therefore about our physical appearance, our body. We are then very vulnerable, because it turns out that some people (a lot of people!) are very rude at this age.

All those changes may lead to a loss of self-confidence.

But the great part is that you CAN, at any time, get your self-confidence back, you CAN get reconciled with your body!

Yes, trust me it's possible, whoever you are .

When I say "reconciled with your body", I mean that you will love and accept your body AS IT IS, without going trough any strict diet or surgery... and that's a big advantage, don't you think? :)

        

So here are some "tested and approved" tips to , firstly accept, and then love your body :


- Stand in front of a mirror, look at yourself, look at your body and take your time, to really see who you are, and not who you're not.
I mean, just focus on your body, how it looks, each part , from your feet to your head, focus on what you see and not on what you don't.
For example take time to appreciate the beautiful breast you've got instead of focusing on the abs you haven't.

 As Shailene Woodley once said " you should really, fully see yourself for you".
 Alright you're not that, nor that , nor that,... and that's okay, you are you! 
There is 7 billion people you're not, 7 billion bodies that don't look like yours , and you actually don't need that! You don't need your body to look like another one! Why would you need something like that?

-Be your own beauty standard, create your own beauty.
 Did you know that Kate Moss was the only model to have a flat chest when beauty standards were all saying " BIG BREAST IS BETTER", and now so many people find her gorgeous, and oh-so-many long for having the same body! 
Same for Jennifer Lawrence who was told she was way too fat for Hollywood although she's fabulous...
These women have created their own beauty standards. 

Imagine if Kate Moss focused on the big breast she couldn't see in that mirror, and finally decided to undergo a plastic surgery... 
And what if Jennifer Lawrence were looking for her rib bones or her thight gap in that mirror instead of appreciate her gorgeous curves? Probably would she have started one of these strict Hollywood diets , and the world would have never seen her incredibly beautiful figure...

So look in that mirror like someone who came here to see how gorgeous his body is and not how well it fits society's beauty standards.

- make AS IF you were a society beauty standard !
How to " make as if"?
Imagine models who have exactly the same body as you on magazine covers... 
Or, even better, imagine YOURSELF on these magazine covers!
Imagine commercials where women want to get a body like yours,or advertising posters in subway with you in a bikini on it, and where we could read "get the perfect summer body"! Imagine whatever helps you feeling good, and feeling confident, feeling like a "beauty role model".

[All this is actually how beauty standards are made and sustained... this is how the "beauty propaganda" works, and it could work with any body, with any type of beauty, with any one ... With you, with YOUR BODY!
 Yes, why would what commercials call "the perfect body" be worthier than your own body?
The difference is just that society decided to " put under the spotlight" one figure and not another ,  perhaps not yours, although all figures deserve to be highlighted, honestly ...]

Imagining, making AS IF, it all does work! 
Some people would have to do it more often than others, for some of them it would take more time, but if you do it, let's say every day during a week , you will already see the difference!
What I'm saying is that you just have to try.
 Even if when you start you don't believe in what you try to imagine, just imagine it, just try to say it to yourself ["yes everyone wants my body..!!."], and one day it will all make sense, and one day you'll convince yourself.

You have to try if you want to..feel something, you have to try if you want it to work. If you want a result you always have to try.

 And moreover I'm sure you'll do it very well.

-An other "tip" is addressed to those who follow twitter or Instagram accounts like "post bad body", "perfect body"... : why? just STOP (please :p) !

 If you follow these accounts that means you consider that their posts reflect what your "perfect/dream body" is supposed to be, and if you don't like your body that means it doesn't look like these posts, right?

So why the heck do you need to see these posts? 

 Your "perfect/dream body" should be your own body, 'cause YOU ARE YOUR OWN BEAUTY STANDARD .Did you forget?

Those posts do nothing but remind you of who you're not. 

This is actually one of the main reasons why the "tip n°1" could seem quite difficult to apply for you: these pictures make you focus on what you're not instead of what you are, as every time you see one of these pics you think about your own body and you try to compare... admit it!

You wonder how far your body is from the one you see on the picture, how it would look if you take the same pic, etc. you don't  look at these pictures without comparing yourself ...

 So please, for your own sake, UNFOLLOW these accounts!

 And also STOP comparing yourself to the others, it's really important ,  you are who you are, you are unique and beautiful in your own way.

Moreover you could fill your TL or your IG with some good and inspiring quotes, which could not only improve your mood but also increase your self-confidence! :D

-And finally, do you remember we were talking about people who were extremely rude and judgmental on your physic appearance? (yes, at the very beggining or this post!)
My last tip would be: don't act like that!
Thus you'd do a big favor to yourself, and to your entourage! ;)

In fact, by being nice an tolerant with anybody, no matter how they look, no matter their body, you prove to others, but especially to yourself  that you don't base everything on physical appearance, and that for you this is not what makes someone's value!
 And knowing that, your body would just "relax" , like "come on that's not what it's all about! Beauty and all that's just a """plus""" in life!" (yeah this is your body speaking) , and thus you will worry less about how your body looks at each second of your life... 
You will just be able to say to yourself that anyway you know you're always gorgeous and you don't have to worry no more .... That will really reinforce your self-confidence, and make you love your body, at any time, in any circumstances.

Plus, you'll be a better person to meet. :)

~

So I hope these tips will help you somehow, and that one day you'll finally love and accept your body the way it is. 

Iknow how hard it could be sometimes to face your reflection in the mirror, to face peer pressure, to face those society beauty standards...But one day you'll realize how beautiful and amazing you are, just keep hoping and believing, although it might be hard sometimes.

But keep in mind that one day you'll get what you want, you actually already got what you want, self-confidence, self-esteem, you got it in you , it's not dead , somehow you already know you are beautiful, you have a beautiful body, there's a tiny part of you who knows it, even if you think there isn't, even if you think you definitely lost hope, even if you think your self-confidence will never come to you, you got it, you just haven't realized it yet ;)